Why Giving Up is Okay Sometimes
“Never give up” is bullshit in my opinion. As someone with quite a few mental health issues, I sometimes cannot physically complete something. Other times, some things are just no longer relevant or necessary for me to do. Or maybe I don’t enjoy whatever the task was. All of these scenarios are perfectly okay. Sometimes, it’s okay to give up.
It’s also okay to postpone. The last time I wrote was Feb. 3 — I had originally told myself I would write once every week (or sometimes two weeks, if I was really busy). Instead, I hit a particularly rough patch with my depression, fell behind on my school work, came into contact with someone who tested positive for covid-19, and was sent to isolation housing last minute. With everything going on, I chose not to write for three and a half weeks. I am disappointed that I broke a streak, but it’s okay. I am writing now. In some scenarios, it makes sense to “give up” in the short term, and try again in the long term. Postponing is okay sometimes too.
Back to giving up: I am not saying you should stop pursuing your goals the second things get hard or your schedule gets busy. Most of the time, taking care of yourself means holding yourself accountable and pursuing your goals, because they will help you in the long run. Don’t manufacture excuses or give in to laziness for the sake of your “self care.”. Do the hard thing. You’ll be glad you did.
HOWEVER… it is important to recognize the value of giving up sometimes. Training for a marathon and break your ankle? It’s okay to postpone that goal until you are healed, or even give it up if your ankle can no longer support running long distance. Majoring in biology and realize you are really grossed out by your labs? Give up on biology, and choose a new major. Losing your basketball game by 40 points? Give up on winning, and just play the game for fun. Fighting with your significant other on the same issue for months with no hope for compromise? Give up on the relationship, and value your worth. Writing a novel and struggling long term with your mental health? Turn that novel into a short story, or just give up on writing it if it is causing you undue stress and worsens your mental health.
In all of these examples, you could keep going. You could keep running on your broken ankle or fighting the same fight with your partner. Or you could value your health and happiness and choose to give up. Not every situation requires perseverance, and sometimes, it truly is better for you to give up. Feel no shame in giving up, postponing, or changing your goals. You are doing what’s best for you.
The most important piece of giving up is to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Balance is key. While giving up may be best for your wellbeing and happiness in one scenario, it is probably better for you in other scenarios to continue persevering. Take a step back when you are considering giving up, and ask yourself these questions: Will I regret having given up six months from now? What will I gain by giving up? What will I lose? Will persevering help or hinder my mental health now and in the future? What does this thing I am giving up on mean to me, and why did I do it in the first place?
If the answers to these questions indicate that giving up is the right choice, do it, and don’t look back. Move forward confident in your decision (even if you still have some doubts) and accept any consequences that may result from the decision. Giving up is only helpful if you can learn to be at peace with the decision.
It will be hard to know for sure when to give up and when to persevere. That’s okay. I would write about how to find that balance, but I too am still figuring it out. There is no secret formula to knowing; it’s unique to each situation and each person. The best advice I can give is to ask yourself the questions above, and remember that the goal of giving up is to provide love to yourself above all else.
